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Answering a Reader Question #205

Self Conscious Wrote:


Hi Dania,

Lately I have been being picky about my appearance. I am fine wardrobe wise, but self appearance is tough and being a model it also doesn't help especially when I have photoshoots and i don't like my face. As I get older and develop it seems to me i feel less and less prettier. I am jealous of my friend because what i believe is my best feature gets complimented on by me (mostly my eyes) but she get all the ones i worry about like my hair and she doesn't have acne. I'm the only one in my group that has already started developing so it's awkward when I have acne and they have baby soft skin. As you can see I am very self conscious, is there a way that I can feel pretty or beautiful while just looking in myself in the mirror or when I see my reflection?
~Self Conscious~ 

Hi, Self Conscious, thank you so much for sharing such a personal question/situation. That takes a lot of courage to do. The ongoing issue of picking apart one's physical appearance is a constant struggle that happens to the best of us--even supermodels state often that they feel "ugly." Whether you sympathize with them or think they're crazy, they're being honest. We are our own worst enemies and I think the challenge you'll have to face is to get out of your own way.

By that, I mean you'll have to work very hard and discipline yourself to avoid becoming your own worst critic. It's not something that happens overnight--it takes time to change the way you think and perceive yourself but if you're the type of person who can be dedicated to such a concept, you'll be okay.

Each day make it a concentrated effort to look in the mirror and state out loud one positive thing you like about yourself instead of focusing on what you don't like. Don't even utter anything negative. Don't do it! It doesn't even have to be physical...it can also include positive things about your personality. Make this a daily ritual and eventually you will start to see and believe the things you're saying. Positive thinking leads to positive energy and positive results. I don't know your age but since you mentioned your friends have yet to develop, I would guess you're still fairly young. You've got plenty of time before you really have to worry about looking "old." In addition to practicing positive thinking, force yourself to stop comparing yourself to your friends. Dedicating your time and energy towards such thoughts does nothing to improve your opinion of yourself. Chances are, you're probably unnecessarily stressing yourself out over the subject and I'm sure you know that high stress levels have a direct impact on your complexion. I'm pretty sure if you lower those stress and anxiety levels you have about your looks, it will reduce future acne breakouts or other skin care issues.

If it helps, set aside one day a week or every other week (probably on a weekend) to pamper yourself and do something that makes you feel good. You said you don't like your hair, compared to your friend. Why not put together a homemade hair treatment to recondition and restore shine and luster to your tresses? Want to improve your skin? Why not try a face mask formulated for acne prone skin to revitalize your complexion? These are all things that will make any woman like what they see in the mirror afterwards.

At the end of the day, only YOU are recognizing and placing emphasis on things that I guarantee you no one else notices--at least not as seriously as you do. Put that in perspective and realize that you are beautiful in a way only YOU can be. Unless you have a twin, there is no one else that looks like you and that fact in and of itself is something to appreciate. We all have flaws but as I always like to say, if you carry yourself as if you have no flaws, you will appear "flawless" to others. I hope that helps but feel free to email me at daniadenise@gmail.com if you need someone to talk to further about changing your mindset to a more positive one.

I know you'll be just fine. :-)
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